I’m pretty good at starting things. I’m even better at thinking about things and I truly excel at talking about things. Finishing things? Not so much.
This is a theme that runs deep, a pattern I’ve yet to escape in a bevy of iterations. Maybe it’s a fear of failure, or of success, or maybe it’s just plain fucking laziness. One way or another, I have been plagued by an inability to see much of anything through to completion.
I’ve said it before and I’m sure this is not the last time I will say it, losing this baby brought a level of self awareness that is overwhelmingly clear. It is time for me to be a lot more disciplined and a lot less irresponsible.
The truth is, I’m a terribly half-assed writer. I fancy myself a writer, I’ve even been hired to string a few words together for money, and had my work published in a fancypants women’s magazine. But I don’t keep a regular practice and that is the worst thing a writer can do, not write. Because then what? Too many thoughts, is what. Too many thoughts and not nearly enough doing.
The summer I turned 29, one of my absolute dearest gal pals endeavored to write each and every day as she approached her thirtieth birthday. She challenged herself to grow, she shared her journey, and she achieved more than she intended, which often happens with clear eyes and a full heart. Can’t. Lose.
At the very least, I will end up with a real-time account of the year I spent turning thirtyfive. Which in and of itself is remarkable. There is gold in every archive if you look hard enough, more on this later.
I want to be able to look back at this year, more than anything, and be able to say that I tried. I pushed myself as a maker, a mother, a wordsmith, a wife. I did my best to be of service to my family, and cared for myself along the way.
There is so much I want to accomplish this year, to learn, to do. Choosing to document this process of becoming another year older is just something that seems necessary to the experience, so I’m going with it.
Honesty is my only objective. This ought to be interesting.