01/52 // THE 52 PROJECT REVISITED

emetkendamajan715

jaderunjan715

rouxswingjan715

“a portrait of my children, once a week, every week, in 2015”

emet: his current obsession.
jade: my child wild.
roux: the quiet observer.

A lot more than this portrait series got away from me last year, that’s for sure. While I’m not one to harbor regret, I can say with a great deal of certainty that I simply did not slow down enough to enjoy the little things, and away they slipped. With nearly a full week behind us already, it seemed as if this year was headed in much the same manner, which is precisely why, instead of driving straight home after school this afternoon, we took a small detour to the playground. It’s amazing how special half an hour can feel, even on an ordinary Wednesday afternoon.

19/52

IMG_1229

IMG_1176

IMG_1128

“a portrait of my children, once a week, every week, in 2014”

Emet: A constant state of motion.
Jade: Smile for the camera.
Roux: Fresh from a nap.

I’ve always had a kind of love/hate relationship with this holiday, if it’s even really a holiday, I’m still not sure? For starters, my own mother and I have a long history of tragic encounters as I always fell short of her expectations surrounding Mother’s Day. Then, five years ago, I made the decision to end my marriage to the father of my two older children, the inciting incident involving Mother’s Day plans that had gone awry. Of course, this particular infraction was the last in a long string of similar disappointments, but nonetheless, making such a choice cast a certain kind of damper on the day meant for honoring my role as a mother.

Each year since, Mother’s Day has found me in an unsettled place. Whether I was just starting a new job, struggling to make a strange city feel like home, or battling with plain old anxiety, it seems this day has always brought with it some sort of challenge.

Today started about as unpleasantly as possible, with a crying baby after a rather restless night, followed shortly by a sibling squabble that erupted into full on hysterics. And this was all before I’d even had any coffee! I declared our family unfit for any sort of outing, and set us all to work on various chores instead. Somewhere between the third load of laundry and moving furniture in the dining room, I realized how far five years has brought me.

Never in a million years could I have conceived of the journey that began the morning I chose divorce over despair. Yet here I am, older, wiser, happier, more grateful, more fulfilled, and more inspired than ever before. Sure, I didn’t get breakfast in bed, or even a day without my kids fighting, but this Mother’s Day was spent with the family I have always wanted caring for the house I have always dreamed of, and it was perfect. I even took photos!

IMG_1144

Little by little, our living space is transforming into a reflection of our family and our lifestyle. It’s been five years since I’ve lived in a place that I truly moved into, with photos in frames and art on the walls, and with help from each member of this sweet family of mine, our house is starting to really feel like our home.

Happy Mother’s Day, indeed.

HIGH // LOW // THANKFUL

ourbabyroux

photo by jamie street

I’m not exactly sure where the rest of March went, but I’m pretty certain most of it was spent nursing? It definitely wasn’t spent sleeping. Or cleaning, ahem. But it most definitely was spent cuddling a certain scrumptious baby who, by the way, is a whole fifty percent bigger than he was at birth. Meaning, he’s a solid six and a half pounds, which doesn’t sound like much, but I assure you. He is b-i-g.

So, April! A new month – and a new season – calls for a new series. We’ve had a tradition in our home for the last several years, one that began as a way to engage the kids in meaningful discussions around the dinner table, in which we each declare our highest, lowest, and most thankful moment for that day. I thought it might be fun, on a weekly basis, to bring that same idea to this spaceā€¦.

HIGH: Without a doubt, the highlight of this week was when my tiny guy told me his very first story. To be fair, he didn’t tell me, he told my friend Kelli. But I was there! And it was precious.

LOW: I received a certain, and most unexpected, electronic correspondence on Tuesday. I’ve been wrestling with how to respond all week, and it is only after much meditation and a good ol’ fashioned gabfest with a couple girlfriends that I was finally able to gain a little perspective and therefore at least begin to be able to address such an offensive message.

THANKFUL: I am always grateful for the wonderful man in my life, the one who loves me and cares for me in a way that no other person ever has. But this week, specifically, I’m beyond thankful for his continued support in all of my random – and sometimes entirely harebrained – creative endeavors. That being said, I’m pretty sure what I’ve got cooking is chock full of potential, but my point is that without him, I’d never be able to entertain any of these wacky ideas that occupy my brain. Also, he’s the best dad ever, so there’s that.

We’ve got a few exciting things happening over the next few weeks, including a visit from Babe’s sister, and a quick trip to the desert to catch one of our favorite bands. But mostly, our days will be spent soaking up every last second of this blissful, hazy newborn phase. All the sleep in the world couldn’t compare to the sweetness of the past six weeks. I may be exhausted and a bit out of sorts, but I’m ridiculously happy and in love with this cute little family of mine.

03/52

IMG_0293

IMG_0300

“a portrait of my children, once a week, every week, for 2014”

Emet: Carefully considering his next move.
Jade: This girl is obsessed with doing flips on the bars.

A lot of healing happened this week, in ways that I hadn’t expected. A walking cast magically appeared at school with my name on it, courtesy of a sweet and generous parent, and what a difference it has made in my ability to get around. Crutches are such a pain! My foot is slowly but steadily recovering, and I’m feeling confident that I’ll be good as new in plenty of time to prepare for birth. Thank goodness.

Over the weekend, I took a quick 24-hour solo trip to Los Angeles in order to attend my grandfather’s memorial service. I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to go until the absolute last second, but it all came together thanks to my sweet mister. Heavens, how I love that man.

The trip was perfection. I love a good train ride, and this particular journey was exceptionally lovely, with the sun setting over the Pacific Ocean just so. Getting to spend some quality time with my dad — actually, getting to spend some quality time with my whole family, something we’ve never really done before — was tremendously satisfying and just so much fun! I look forward to more visits with them in the very near future.

The best part of it all, though, was coming home to those two sweet faces. And of course, the handsomest face of all, which happened to surprise me with a shave and a haircut, and yes, I did bury my face in his neck the moment that I saw him.

This life of mine, man. It sure is fantastic.