01/52 // THE 52 PROJECT REVISITED

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“a portrait of my children, once a week, every week, in 2015”

emet: his current obsession.
jade: my child wild.
roux: the quiet observer.

A lot more than this portrait series got away from me last year, that’s for sure. While I’m not one to harbor regret, I can say with a great deal of certainty that I simply did not slow down enough to enjoy the little things, and away they slipped. With nearly a full week behind us already, it seemed as if this year was headed in much the same manner, which is precisely why, instead of driving straight home after school this afternoon, we took a small detour to the playground. It’s amazing how special half an hour can feel, even on an ordinary Wednesday afternoon.

19/52

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“a portrait of my children, once a week, every week, in 2014”

Emet: A constant state of motion.
Jade: Smile for the camera.
Roux: Fresh from a nap.

I’ve always had a kind of love/hate relationship with this holiday, if it’s even really a holiday, I’m still not sure? For starters, my own mother and I have a long history of tragic encounters as I always fell short of her expectations surrounding Mother’s Day. Then, five years ago, I made the decision to end my marriage to the father of my two older children, the inciting incident involving Mother’s Day plans that had gone awry. Of course, this particular infraction was the last in a long string of similar disappointments, but nonetheless, making such a choice cast a certain kind of damper on the day meant for honoring my role as a mother.

Each year since, Mother’s Day has found me in an unsettled place. Whether I was just starting a new job, struggling to make a strange city feel like home, or battling with plain old anxiety, it seems this day has always brought with it some sort of challenge.

Today started about as unpleasantly as possible, with a crying baby after a rather restless night, followed shortly by a sibling squabble that erupted into full on hysterics. And this was all before I’d even had any coffee! I declared our family unfit for any sort of outing, and set us all to work on various chores instead. Somewhere between the third load of laundry and moving furniture in the dining room, I realized how far five years has brought me.

Never in a million years could I have conceived of the journey that began the morning I chose divorce over despair. Yet here I am, older, wiser, happier, more grateful, more fulfilled, and more inspired than ever before. Sure, I didn’t get breakfast in bed, or even a day without my kids fighting, but this Mother’s Day was spent with the family I have always wanted caring for the house I have always dreamed of, and it was perfect. I even took photos!

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Little by little, our living space is transforming into a reflection of our family and our lifestyle. It’s been five years since I’ve lived in a place that I truly moved into, with photos in frames and art on the walls, and with help from each member of this sweet family of mine, our house is starting to really feel like our home.

Happy Mother’s Day, indeed.

11/52

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“a portrait of my children, once a week, every week, for 2014”

Emet Preston: His wise eyes.
Jade Eloise: Mama’s little helper.
Roux Huckleberry: 27 days old.

It was about this time, exactly one month ago, when things got very interesting. The hardest part about being admitted into UCSD Medical Center was having to contend with their silly flu season policy, which prevents any person under the age of 12 from entering the hospital. Of course we weren’t aware of this until we’d arrived with both big kids in tow, dressed in their pajamas because it was past their bedtime on a Sunday night.

Kissing their sweet faces goodbye, and not having a clue as to what was going to happen next, was just about the hardest thing I’d ever done. That is, until a few hours later, when I was forced to face my biggest fears and most terrifying demons, in order to bring that precious tiny guy into the world.

But here we are, four weeks later, and nothing makes me happier than those three little people. And my handsome fiancé, of course.

I am so damn lucky.

THE 52 PROJECT – AN UPDATE

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“a portrait of my children, all three of them”

Well, it’s been a busy few weeks over here. With everything that has happened recently – a nearly ten day hospital stay, a new baby, a handsome fiancĂ©, and not a lot of sleep – my personal projects have fallen a bit by the wayside. I had the most noble intentions when it came to this portrait series, and it seems that at this point, I’ll just have to take what I can get and work with it as best I can. Which, not for nothing, seems to be a current theme in my life.

Emet has wanted a baby brother for as long as I can remember, and seeing how much he loves and cares for the newest member of our family is absolutely priceless. He takes his role as the oldest very seriously. Whether he’s reading to his sister, or fawning over our tiny guy, the love he has for his younger siblings is unsurpassed. Jade is over the moon excited about having a baby in the house, being the little mama that she is. The days since bringing our bundle home from the hospital have been full of so much love and so many tender moments, my heart can barely contain it all.

Did I mention that I’m not sleeping? I’m not sleeping. At most, I’ve gotten three consecutive hours since the baby was born. Whether I’m being woken by soft newborn cries, or the sharp sting of too much milk in my boobs (sorry, but it’s true), one way or another sleep escapes me entirely. Surprisingly, I haven’t lost my mind completely. I have somehow managed to get the big kids fed and off to school in the mornings, and to keep our house relatively tidy. Ok, the mister gets most of the credit for keeping the house tidy, so I guess what I mean to say is that I’ve managed to not destroy our house, which is kind of the same thing, right?

We’re beginning to find our rhythm, and I’m slowly climbing out from under the weight of all these thoughts I have swimming around in my head. I’ll be honest, it’s hard to spend so many months planning and visualizing one kind of experience only to have the exact opposite come to pass. And I’m a sentimental gal, meaning it’s far too easy for me to be swallowed whole by what ifs and whys.

Tonight was supposed to be our last date. We’d planned on seeing The Grand Budapest Hotel, and enjoying one last fancy meal together. The chances of us actually making it to the theatre to catch this film are slim, let alone getting out for a grown-ups only dinner anytime soon. We did, however, steal away to a favorite local spot for lunch today, and the baby slept through the whole meal. It sure felt like a date. A date chaperoned by the smallest, sweetest person I’ve ever met.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that even though I was caught completely off guard, and rather unexpectedly, I’m finding my way back. And I’m a better, stronger person for it.

06/52

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“a portrait of my children, once a week, every week, for 2014”

Emet: Laughing at his something his sister said.
Jade: Watching her brother’s baseball practice.

I have a confession to make: I have been pretty lazy these last couple of weeks where this portrait series is concerned. Sure, I take photos (not really), but do I bother to transfer them to the computer in a timely fashion? After a just a few days of Maternity Leave, however, I’m all caught up and, dare I say it, a bit ahead. I might even share next week’s portraits on time!

05/52

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“a portrait of my children, once a week, every week, in 2014”

Emet: He loves to laugh.
Jade: Waiting for mama to help with the tangles.

I’m finding it hard to do anything after getting home from school other than put my feet up. These two are trying their best to help me stay relaxed, and are patient with me as I begin to slow down. I’m well aware that our entire rhythm is about to shift, so I’m trying to take it all in stride, but I’m also trying to spend as much quality time with them as possible.

04/52

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“a portrait of my children, once a week, every week, for 2014”

Emet: The best big brother.
Jade: Sweet sleepy girl.

Between long days at school, various playdates and sleepovers, and a lot of time spent preparing for baby, it was difficult for me to find time to shoot this week’s portraits. My original intention when I started this project was to shoot exclusively with the fancy camera in natural light, and when the entire weekend vanished without me taking single picture, I knew I was going to have to shoot inside our poorly lit house.

I made two different attempts, and neither of them resulted in any exceptional photos, but I shared several priceless moments with both of my kids and really, that is what this project is all about.

In other news, January has been an incredible month for our family. February is shaping up to be equally as exciting, and March. Well, March is when things get really good. 2014, I just knew you were going to be fantastic.

03/52

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“a portrait of my children, once a week, every week, for 2014”

Emet: Carefully considering his next move.
Jade: This girl is obsessed with doing flips on the bars.

A lot of healing happened this week, in ways that I hadn’t expected. A walking cast magically appeared at school with my name on it, courtesy of a sweet and generous parent, and what a difference it has made in my ability to get around. Crutches are such a pain! My foot is slowly but steadily recovering, and I’m feeling confident that I’ll be good as new in plenty of time to prepare for birth. Thank goodness.

Over the weekend, I took a quick 24-hour solo trip to Los Angeles in order to attend my grandfather’s memorial service. I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to go until the absolute last second, but it all came together thanks to my sweet mister. Heavens, how I love that man.

The trip was perfection. I love a good train ride, and this particular journey was exceptionally lovely, with the sun setting over the Pacific Ocean just so. Getting to spend some quality time with my dad — actually, getting to spend some quality time with my whole family, something we’ve never really done before — was tremendously satisfying and just so much fun! I look forward to more visits with them in the very near future.

The best part of it all, though, was coming home to those two sweet faces. And of course, the handsomest face of all, which happened to surprise me with a shave and a haircut, and yes, I did bury my face in his neck the moment that I saw him.

This life of mine, man. It sure is fantastic.

02/52

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“a portrait of my children, once a week, every week, for 2014”

Emet: We talk about staying focused a lot these days.
Jade: Rapper’s delight.

In another exciting edition of this week’s technical difficulties, the charger was nowhere to be found until after the sun went down, which means that I managed to fire off all of six shots before losing the camera to a dead battery. And my plans of taking the kids to the park for our first “location shoot” were waylaid by this broken foot of mine, so we settled for our front entryway. Again.

With all that being said, though, I love these pictures. And those sweet faces.

01/52

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“a portrait of my children, once a week, every week, for 2014”

Emet: This boy is the sweetest, kindest, most generous, and most noble ten year old on Earth.
Jade: Never a dull moment with this girl.

I have long admired the 52 Project, and have never managed to muster the courage (or the dedication, ahem) to commit to shooting a weekly portrait series. Since learning how to take photographs is high on my list of life aspirations, I figured I’d finally just give it a go.

And lo! For my first attempt, I’m rather pleased with these shots. Snapping a few pictures with my kids this afternoon was definitely the highlight of my weekend. I’m excited to see how this project unfolds, especially with the addition of a new little face in just a couple of months.

Oh 2014, I’m in love with you already.