New moon in Aquarius. The first new moon of the new year. Yes, there is a beeswax candle burning next to me, resting on an owl shaped ceramic dish, and yes, there’s a large chunk of harlequin quartz resting in my lap. Here goes.

Undoubtedly, 2016 was a death year, a year of endings. Numerologically, it was a 9 (2+0+1+6=9), which signifies the end of the cycle, completion. So, it stands to reason that 2017 would be a year of new beginnings.

But, as Seneca (and that silly Semisonic song) says, every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.

Oy vey iz mir. I’ve had it with the endings!

I don’t think there’s been a single day this year that I haven’t cried, and absolutely none of those tears have been shed in joy. My heart is broken, my body is exhausted, my brain is fried. What gives, Universe?!

If Aquarius is the sign of emotions, then what am I to make of all this despair? I am trying to perceive it as a call to action – but what action, exactly? I am making an effort to consider different perspectives, but at the end of the day, I simply can’t wrap my head around most of the “alternative facts” with which I’m being presented. I disagree on a soul level, not even an intellectual level, but one where every fiber of my being cries NOOOO, THIS IS JUST WRONG.

My interpretation of all this craziness in which I currently find myself swimming is to truly, unequivocally, listen to my instincts. My gut has been with me longer than anyone, so I’m placing all my faith in myself. I will get myself through this. And I will absolutely not compromise the things I hold, have always held, as fundamental values: love, peace, respect, diversity, equality, justice, and citizenship.

As I sit quietly with my candle tonight, I will repeat the Sanskrit prayer I learned long ago when I was in Yoga Teacher Training: Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu – May all beings everywhere be happy and free, and may the thoughts, words, and actions of my own life contribute in some way to that happiness and that freedom for all.

PS: I posted the fourteenth piece of my miscarriage recovery story, if you’re interested.

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